The Firecracker Scale:
1.) KINDLING – innocent kissing, kisses on the cheek/forehead.
2.) SPARK – kisses on the lips.
3.) FLAME – “making-out” with probable inappropriate touching.
4.) BE CAREFUL, YOU’RE GONNA GET BURNED – definite inappropriate touching; (some might call it “getting to third base”); possible loss of clothing.
5.) BLAZING INFERNO – God calls it fornication.
The Tongue Scale:
1.) REWARDING PAT ON THE BACK – aw, such nice characters, speaking to each other respectfully and being so kind to one another.
2.) SLAP ON THE WRIST – excuse me, my tender ears, I don’t like the “stupid” word. (Sometimes harsher words are used, but it’s mild and infrequent.)
3.) WASH THAT MOUTH OUT – excuse me, do I need to have a chat with your mother because you need a censor.
4.) LET’S POUR SOME SOAP IN THAT MOUTH – no, really, where is your mother, that kind of language is bleeped on daytime television.
5.) AHH MY EYES – I couldn’t make it 3 pages because they made my eyes burn.
The Gore Gauge:
1.) RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS AND SMILES – no one even gets a papercut, everyone’s happy, let’s eat cake.
2.) FIST FIGHT – *barely winces as I read about someone getting punched in the face* Maybe someone’s bloody nose is described in detail.
3.) PEOPLE GET WOUNDED – *winces as characters are shot at/wounded/injured*
4.) PEOPLE DIE – *cries as favorite characters are injured and occasionally killed in sometimes violent brutal ways*
5.) EW – *slams book shut and cries and rocks back and forth and has nightmares for weeks*